Sorry its been so long since I've written, it has been a whirlwind of a 10 months (well, that might be a slight exaggeration). We are so overwhelmed at the changes that have happened in our little girl. She has grown so much and has the biggest personality! It seems like every day she tries something new out. She can almost walk, army crawls like a fiend, eats what she feels like, jabbers constantly (even tells her own jokes, which she will giggle at), and she adores her baby cousin!
Do you ever feel like there a seasons that you cannot quite wrap your mind around? You muddle through, but that's about all you can muster? As many of you know, we've been trying to conceive for 3 years, and we can see clearly now that had we been able to do so, we wouldn't have our Olive. It is exciting to see how God's timing all works out, but I cannot say that I always understand it. Since adopting Olive, the desire to carry a biological child hasn't decreased. If you have every spoken with me in person, you will hear me say that "Adoption will never satisfy the desire to carry a biological child." I don't know that God intended for it to. Adoption brings with it its own challenges and joys, just as having a biological child would (or so I would imagine). Nothing could ever replace this baby girl. She is ours in every way. She has brought so much joy into our lives, and the Lord's faithfulness is written in every step of our journey together. She made me a mommy.
Needless to say, we are still pursuing pregnancy, and through some wise council and prayer we decided to proceed with fertility treatment. Because we are in the lovely 14th percentile of unexplainable infertility we decided to move forward with IUI. If you aren't familiar with it, this is "turkey baster" method as I so lovingly call it. We started it this past month and it was quite the adventure. I felt all the feels. It was an emotional rollercoaster. From injections (which my sweet husband gave me) to numerous doctor's visits, plus the many physical reactions which are loads of fun. Once the actual procedure was complete, thus began the two week wait. During this time I was on two different medications, one of which mimics the signs of pregnancy (which seems like a cruel joke). 
The two week wait was one of the hardest things I've experienced. Talk about stressful. We waited and tried to enjoy what we could, making jokes about pregnancy and hopes for the future. Then two weeks passed. We went in to do the last and final step today, blood work. I hate needles and so this wasn't exactly my cup of tea, plus I kept having this nagging feeling that we weren't pregnant. I prayed and tried to find hope, but it was so difficult. We went in to get blood work and then had to wait for the phone call. That afternoon they called. Immediately I knew the answer was no. Her voice gave it away.
We are devastated. And yet our God is faithful. He is in charge and He is good. We are going to do one more round of IUI, and that's it. We are confident that adoption is in our future, and we've decided we would only do two rounds. We pray that biological children are in our future, but also pray for peace in the meantime.
