Our Journey in Fostering - Step 1

It seems remarkable to think of all that has happened over the last week.  It all began last Friday with a phone call from our agency telling us that they had a placement for us of a 3 week old baby.  They described that there were some challenges, and that is why he was in the NICU.  On our first visit it became evident that there were a number of challenges that we had not anticipated, and having not initially signed up for a child with special needs, we were a bit caught off guard.  

We spent the next week, starting meds for Embryo Adoption, hosting summer camp at our home, and visiting the NICU as often as we could.  Each visit we grew in affection for this tiny person! We prayed and talked for many hours about his condition, and whether or not we were up to the challenge. And really, as things went it seemed that he was progressing and meeting many milestones.  Yet then things began to unravel.  It appeared that his challenges were far greater than we had been led to believe, and that CPS had never intended this sweet one to stay with us long - as his birth family is a few hours away...We were shocked.  This never would have changed our desire to go up and hold him, but it would have changed our perspective for the "future".  

That's one thing I still have to remind myself daily - you cannot really think about the future with foster care.  And you certainly cannot ask enough questions! 

As of Saturday we were also able to finally meet with his doctors and they urged us to consider what he may need and if we could meet all those needs, especially not having initially chosen to focus on children with special needs (with the understanding that all children in foster care come with their own complexities).  Heeding their council and through lots of prayers and tears, it became more the clear that we were not the best fit for this sweet one.

Oh, how hard that was to acknowledge...

Because of his complications, raising a 2 year old, and the school year about to start - we did not want to be so arrogant to assume we are the "best" fit.  Oh, how we wish we could just scoop him up and bring him home! However, after talking with his doctors we are well aware that he will need a lot of one-on-one attention and many different doctor appointments in the weeks/months ahead.  With a two year old that loves to "help" and running school, plus potentially being pregnant we need to know our limits and want the very best for him.  There are many families ready and waiting for children with special needs.

I've struggled with worrying what people will think, worrying that they may think we're being selfish or not inclusive enough. I've worried  that people will judge us for not taking him. I've worried that we're being selfish.  But then I have to remember that the LORD is leading us, and he prompted our hearts to make this decision. We've also sought council from many wonderful believers, both those who walk with us daily as well as fellow foster parents.  This decision wasn't taken lightly, and I have to remind myself of that moment by moment.

We pray that he is placed with a wonderful christian family ready to take on all of his many needs.  Please pray with us as we heal and await our next placement. Pray as we grieve this very difficult decision, and that we can rest in the Lord's sovereignty. 

I even pray that we can connect with his new foster family to share the many photos we've taken. 

Foster care is not for the faint of heart, and it is a reminder that we live in a broken world. However it is also such an opportunity to love and serve some of the most vulnerable. 

Thank you for all of your love and support!

What is Embryo Adoption?

A Little About Embryo Adoption…

As many of you saw, my wife recently posted about Kate and I being matched with three embryos! We cannot express to you the amount of joy we have and how thankful we are for our Lord’s faithfulness. But we know many still have questions about embryo adoption as I did when Kate first mentioned it to me. 

WHY???

The first question we usually get asked is why embryo adoption? And, the clearest answer we can give you is the gospel. One of the best books I have read on adoption is Russell Moore’s, Adopted For Life. In it, he states that, “We believe Jesus in heavenly things-our adoption in Christ; so we follow him in earthly things-the adoption of children. Without the theological aspect, the emphasis on adoption too easily is seen as mere charity. Without the missional aspect, the doctrine of adoption too easily is seen as mere metaphor.” He goes on to ask the question that has haunted and burdened Kate’s and my hearts, “What if Christians were known, once again, as the people who take in orphans and make them beloved sons and daughters?”

From and early age, Kate has felt the burden for orphans. It didn’t take long for the Lord to capture my heart as well. Regretfully, when we were first married, Kate and I saw adoption as something we would do “after we had our own children.” This phrase is ironic to us now, as we have struggled with infertility since we got married but, more than ironic, it’s shameful. It’s a poor view of my adoption into God’s family. As if circumcision still accounted for anything (Galations 6:5), we associated blood relation as the necessary means to be “our children.” This thinking is exactly what Christ came to abolish and what Paul preached on in Colossians 3, Romans 8 and Galatians 4.

The Father has adopted me as a beloved son with no merit of my own. He adopted me fully by the person and work of Jesus Christ. His shed blood purchased my redemption. His resurrection reconciled me to my Father.  As a gentile, I was outside of the bloodline of faith. Yet God adopted me, not as a slave but as a son.  And, because of this, our hearts have been burdened to care for the orphans and show them the love that we have been afforded through Christ.

Yeah, but why EMBRYO adoption???

About a year ago, Kate and I had two failed IUIs. It was a really difficult time in our marriage filled with lots of tears.  In one of the nights, through the tears, Kate mentioned something about “Snowflake Adoption.” This was the first I had ever heard of this. If I remember right, Kate had read a story about a white mother giving birth to black triplets. The story peaked my interest and we started digging in a little deeper. 

There are over 750,000 frozen embryos in the United States. These embryos are fertilized and, in Kate’s and my eyes, already little lives. When a family goes through IVF, they often decide that their family is “complete” and still have left over embryos. They have 4 options with what to do with their remaining embryos: 1) discard them 2) continue to pay to keep them frozen (some have been frozen for decades) 3) donate them to science for research or 4) donate them to a family who is willing to adopt them. I recently saw a fifth option where you can turn your leftover embryos into jewelry but, so I don’t lose my salvation in this blogpost, let’s just lump that into the first category.

There cannot be a more defenseless life than this. A good majority of the secular world does not even consider these embryos as lives. As Kate and I began to do more and more research, the Lord has placed a desire in our hearts to advocate for these little lives. You can debate the merits of going to the fertility clinics and boycotting but that will not affect these lives unless someone is willing to adopt them. So, we began the process last September and the Lord has been faithful to allow us to be matched with three little embryos!

That’s great! But I don’t feel called to embryo adoption. What can I do??

I’m glad I asked this rhetorical question for you! Here’s another quote from Adopted For Life: 

Not everyone is called to adopt. No one wants parents who adopt children out of the same sense of duty with which they may give to the building fund for the new church gymnasium.  But all of us have a stake in the adoption issue, because Jesus does. He is the one who tells us his Father is also “Father to the fatherless” (Ps. 68:5). He is the one who insists on calling “the least of these” his “brothers” (Matt. 24:40) and who tells us that the first time we hear his voice, he will be asking us if we did the same.

While you may not be called to adopt embryos, foster children or adopt privately either nationally or internationally, if you are a believer, you play a vital role in adoption because of the adoption you have received. This most tangibly happens by supporting those who are adopting. Yes, this means financially (as adopting can be astronomical) but it goes far beyond that. You support adoption by loving on those who are adopting, asking how they are doing, praying for them, crying with them in the difficult days and sharing with others why adoption is so important. It’s not because these children need homes; that’s charity. It’s important because it’s about Jesus. 

How can we support you??? 

1. 1. Pray. This, by far, is the most important thing you can do for us. Remember us in your prayers. Pray for safety over these sweet little lives. Pray that they would all attach. Pray that Kate’s body would respond well to the medication. And pray that God would be glorified as the good, good Father that He is through our story.
2. 2. While embryo adoption is much cheaper than other options, it is still expensive. If the Lord lays it on your heart to support our adoption, you can give at the following link:

https://www.youcaring.com/the-houghtons-645260

1. 3. Share our story and others to raise awareness for embryo adoption and other adoptions that you know of.
2. 4. Support emotionally, financially and prayerfully others who you know that are adopting. It can be a lonely process and it can seem daunting. Reach out to whomever you know that is going through an adoption. Ask questions, pray and give. You don’t know how those who are adopting feel the presence of our God when you do that.

Is this over???

Yes. Thank you for taking the time to read a bit of our story and a little about embryo adoption. Kate and I pray that it blesses and encourages you!

Trust me, it's worth the read!

You know that expression, right? The one that people love to share when you're walking through a disappointment: When one door closes, a window opens.

I cannot say that anyone really wants to hear those words...And I would argue that is entirely an incorrect statement, because maybe that door wasn't ever the "right" door to begin with.  If you've followed our story for any number of years, months, etc. then you know that we have a precious adopted daughter, Olive, who came to us in only 4 short months.  We always knew we wanted a big family (although the number we haven't quite agreed on) and we'd always assumed biological would happen easily, flash forward on 4 years of marriage and we've yet to have a single positive pregnancy test. We've done EVERYTHING. We've run all the tests - all which have come back positive (in fact my husband was "record breaking" to quote our doctor).  We've had two IUIs completed and even tried acupuncture 4 times.  We have charted, we have not charted, you name it, we've probably tried it.

And it seemed that God was making it quite evident that he had other plans.  In visiting with a friend, she started talking about "Snowflake Adoption" or embryo adoption. I'd heard a bit about it, but was bit apprehensive, mostly from lack of knowledge and fear that the price would be astronomical.  In mentioning it to my husband he was quite eager to pursue more information.  We scheduled a visit with our fertility doctor, after doing some research, and found out that it was far cheaper then adoptions are generally and that the likelihood of a positive results was 60-80%! We prayed and felt a confirmation that we should move forward.  In the initial consultation with our doctor we mentioned about our daughter being African American, and asked if there was a likelihood of possibly receiving AA embryos.  He mentioned a couple who was currently considering it, but discouraged us from getting our hopes up as there was not any currently available for donation.  Fast forward to about 9 months later, we received the most exciting news:

We were matched with two Indian embryos! We were beyond thrilled! We quickly told all our friends and family and eagerly awaited the start date. Literally a week later we received the news that the biological father had visited a country which made the embryos unable to be donated. We were devastated. Not only would we not have the opportunity to raise these sweet babies, but this meant that no one (aside from the biological family) could.

We were discouraged but we were back in first place on the waiting list.  Meanwhile we were actively pursuing foster to adopt as well.  I know, we are well aware that this could mean LOTS of littles in our house, but we are confident that this is the direction we are being led. We felt called to foster-to-adopt for quite some time, but we kept hesitating thinking that we would "in the future".  I'm not quite sure what the hiccup was, I guess that it would hurt. But the same friend that shared about embryo adoption is also a fellow foster mom and she told me, "Kate, you're never READY!" And that has resonated so deeply in my soul.  I kept thinking that when I'm "older" it wouldn't hurt as much. Or once "our children" (Oh, how I hate that phrase now) are raised, then we would be ready.  The reality is, there are children RIGHT NOW in need of a safe place.  It will always hurt to bond and then most likely hand that child back, but my word is that they are on "loan".  I am going to be their mama for as long as the Lord gives me, and provide a safe place filled with love and so much of the gospel.  And really, aren't all those we love on "loan"?  Olive is no more mine then Jeremy is, or then any child or person is who has come into my life.  God is sovereign and will place these little ones in our life for as long as he sees is best.  Now, it will still hurt, but as believers we are not told that life will be without pain and suffering.  

So, during these past four months (starting in March) we've been attending classes and completely endless amounts of paper work, and we've had 3 home visits.  We were scheduled to go in on June 30th to sign for our license and officially be "licenses to foster/adopt".  The Thursday before Jeremy was gone to his school to sit in on two interviews and I decided to check my email (not something I'm great at in the summer), when I saw that I had received an email from our fertility doctor's office. My heart leaped.  I quickly opened it and read the following:

We have 3 African American 

I was shocked! First of all that they were African American! 2nd that there were 3! In embryo adoption, it is most likely that you receive 1-2.  I was shaking and eagerly grabbed my phone to ask husband where he was in the process...he was still in the interviews.  Nerves going crazy I finally couldn't bear it any longer and decided to call our doctor to ask more information.  With info in tow I tried to preoccupy myself with tasks, while our daughter slept.  Once she woke up I decided we'd create a little something to share the news to daddy with.  Here's what we made!

As soon as he walked in the door, I nonchalantly (heart racing a mile a minute on the inside) told him he should go see what Olive had painted.  He took one look and said "Oh...wait, are you serious!" Then I cried.  We were both giddy, and truth be told still are.

So what does it look like form here?  In the next couple of weeks (based off my next cycle) we will go in and have an initial appointment and receive all the information regarding the medication and the process, then most likely the transfer will happen in early August!

We are aware that nothing is guaranteed, and yet we can see God's handiwork all throughout this process. These sweet embryos are the very same ones we had heard about 10 months ago!  God also was aware that we wanted our daughter to have some siblings that look like her, and he has fulfilled that desire.  He also knew that we needed to have the time to complete all the foster-to-adopt process, and he allowed it to all fall into place within 24 hours! Isn't our God GOOD!!??

Further updates will be happening, but we just couldn't wait to share our news!